Mood: Flat.

I have found that when I smile now, I feel. With feeling comes emotion, so now smiling actually makes me upset.

I've figured out feeling blank and flat is the way to go at the moment.

One day I will elaborate on this, but for now... I'll keep it secret... keep it safe...

It does kind of feel a bit like the One Ring. I feel a bit like Frodo... small, seemingly insignificant... with a heavy weight thrust upon me suddenly.

It rules me, it makes me feel invisible, it tempts me. But when I bear it, it is a burden that changes me and causes a lot of pain. Yet I can't let go of it, it is ~my precious-s-sss~.

I need to bathe it in fire. I need to take my own personal mental journey to the mountain... I have my Sam, who bears it with me, shares my pain. I have Merry and Pippin too, Making me laugh and keeping me sane at the worst of times.

A friend of mine also gave me the equivalent of an ent. Find a tree I love. Imagine my tree... stand under it and imagine it's roots spreading out far and grounding me. It's stable, immovable and symbolic of strength.

I have my Saruman and Gandalf too... and the corruption... and the Nazgul follow me, chase me and shroud me from living at any possible chance.

I need to make this journey.